Oh, ShotgunShy

"Louie"

LOUIE: So what's up, man?
EDDIE: Okay, look. I know I burned our bridge, you know? We're old friends and all that, hurray. But I have no bridges left. I've burned all the bridges, I've burned the roads, I've burned the trails. I've burned the hiking path. It's all gone.
LOUIE: So what do you need?
EDDIE: I don't need anything. I just wanna talk to you. I wanna tell you something.
LOUIE: Okay.
EDDIE (mocking): Okay? Okay?
LOUIE: Yeah, I'm listening. Go ahead.
EDDIE: Look, man -- I'm cashing in. I'm done. I'm forty-shit years old. I got nothing; I got nobody. I don't want anything. I don't want anybody. And that's the worst part, when the want goes. That's bad. I mean suffering is one thing, or not having is one thing -- but when you just don't care anymore? You know, I've gone soft in the last three pussies I've been in. You get to a point where you don't... maybe it's time to put a period at the end of my whatever this was.
LOUIE: So you're gonna quit comedy?
EDDIE: How dense are you? Comedy? Who gives a shit about comedy, man?
LOUIE: Well then, what are you talking about?
EDDIE: My life. I'm going to end it.
(LOUIE is shocked.)
EDDIE: I went to a doctor -- listen to me. I went to a doctor, and I was just trying to get a scrip for Ambien. And I'm bullshitting the guy, you know the whole "fear of flying" nonsense, like I've ever been on a plane in my career, and the doctor gets a look on his face like he knows. Like he's gonna chuck me out of the office. (Beat, then reaches into his pocket.) All of a sudden, he gives me these. (Holding medicine bottle.) It's phenomedrine.
LOUIE: What is it?
EDDIE: He tells me "Only take one of these a week." It's like the strongest, most dangerous shit this side of Bangkok. He tells me "Do not take more than one; two of these will stop your heart."
LOUIE (in disbelief): A doctor gave you that?
EDDIE: Yeah. It made no sense at first. I mean look at me. You're gonna take one look at me, you're gonna give me these with a verbal warning?
LOUIE: Why would he do that?
EDDIE: Because he TOOK one look at me and he realized that's the only prescription that's gonna improve my life. That's death.
LOUIE: Jesus Christ, Eddie.
EDDIE: No. The guy's right. I mean, the guy probably deserves a Nobel Prize. And I don't need a second opinion. I'm going to Maine, I'm gonna do my show, get a lobster roll maybe, get a motel room, and then throw three of these things down my head with some cognac.
LOUIE: Why are you here telling me this right now?
EDDIE: I don't know. I guess I just wanted to say goodbye to someone. If I leave a note, it's just gonna get burned with my clothes. So I figured you for the one guy that I could say "Adios" to.
LOUIE: Eddie, this is bullshit. You can't kill yourself.
EDDIE: Oh yes I can -- I have a note from my doctor.
LOUIE: I don't give a shit what that guy said -- you can't do that.
EDDIE: And why can't I do that?
LOUIE: Because! (Loss for words.)
EDDIE: Louie, look me in the eye and tell me I have one good reason to live.
(Long pause, then--)
LOUIE: No.
EDDIE: See, you got nothing.
LOUIE: No, Im not playing that. I'm not doing it.
EDDIE: What do you mean?
LOUIE: I mean fuck you, man. I got my reasons to live. I worked hard to figure out what they are. I'm not just handing them to you, okay? I mean, you want a reason to live, have a drink of water, and get some sleep, wake up in the morning and try again like everybody else does.
EDDIE: Yeah, yeah -- tough love.
LOUIE: No -- NO love. Okay? More like tough not giving a shit anymore, Eddie. If you wanna tap out 'cause your life is shit, you know what? It's not your life. It's LIFE. It's life is bigger than you. If you can imagine that. Life isn't something that you possess -- it's something that you take part in. And you witness.
EDDIE (laughing): You are so excited right now. That you get to give the big speech. You would love to be the guy that talks this loser -- who you never think about -- out of suicide, so you can feel better about yourself. (Beat.) This is not about you, Louie. It's just me saying goodbye, it was nice to know you when I knew you.
LOUIE: You know, you're laying all this shit on me --
(Arguing couple walks by, interrupting them; they share a short laugh.)
LOUIE: Listen man, I -- I haven't seen you in 20 years. And you're right -- I don't think much about you. I hope you don't... kill yourself. I really do. (Beat.) But I gotta go home. I gotta pick up my kids in the morning.
(They shake hands, and hug.)
LOUIE: Good luck in Maine, okay?
(One last exchange of glances, before LOUIE walks away, and EDDIE drives off.)